Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?

I originally set out to write a blog about my recent career worries, about the split feeling I have about whether to go into writing or design when I grow up. But right before, I stumbled upon the Facebook groups memorializing two girls I did not know but have had such impact on my friends. Both girls (Sydney Owens and Amber Jeffrey) died in car accidents (Sydney in November 2006, during my freshman year, and Amber on June 30.) Both girls were beautiful and many of my friends were also friends with them. It made me realize and think about how trivial my worries are.. most of their friends are still reeling and grieving the loss.

Whatever the case, these deaths make me feel very surreal and almost uncomfortable, for I never got the chance to get to know them. But more, I probably wouldn’t have taken the chance to get to know them. They weren’t really the kind of friends that I would’ve reached out. But that doesn’t really diminish the fact that they are gone. To lose someone like a friend I think is even harder than losing a family member at times. You come to LEARN to love friends, but the love of family always feels a little more obligated than the love of a best friend. For that to be taken away in a split second due to drunk driving (in Amber’s case) or drag racing (Sydney) probably feels even worse; this death is the kind that can be prevented.

I’m trying to accept and embrace a new philosophical way of dealing with the stress, anger, frustration and overall hard-ness of my life. Accepting and subscribing to the notion that everything happens for a reason somehow takes on a more difficult and surreal path when it’s saying that these girls died so young for some unknown, godforsaken reason. I don’t know how I will handle a friend of mine dying, and while I hope it never happens, I know it will. It’s only nature. I hope, though, I can keep the same mind. It happened for a reason.

This blog is also a music fix, though the three songs I have chosen are much more somber and I won’t really have the same kind of introduction as I have in the past. The first is by Damien Rice, and I listened to it while writing this blog. It’s called “9 Crimes,” and the lyrics make it seem oddly, though distortedly, appropriate. It’s on the album 9

From Coldplay’s third album X&Y, it’s “Swallowed In The Sea.”

And finally, I’m including Mayday Parade’s long titled but very powerful song “You Be the Anchor That Keeps My Feet On The Ground, I’ll Be The Wings That Keep Your Heart In The Clouds.” It also seems vaguely appropriate dealing with the question “Why are we here?” I hope you guys have a great weekend.

~ “You cannot live on hope alone, but without hope, life is not worth living” – Harvey Milk